You left me… hunched over my desk by the stack of half written letters that long for the warm envelopes and the taste of stamps with my head on the desk and the one lamp flickering creating reflections of your face in the collection of wine glasses lined with red residue and sediment of emotion containing last sips i never finished before falling to the floor and curling into a ball tucking my knees to my chest pretending they were your arms.
Satan’s joke waking up with the hurt in my head that i confuse every time for the consequences of last night and after a few pain pills get to work, its apparent that the aftermath is clusters of confusion that block my mind from thinking ahead, reversing my thoughts to why it is i can’t write anything, though i’d like to blame it on my inability to find a favorite pen but its my lazy veins and disinterested heart, indifferent organs with nothing to bleed. That’s where you left me… draped over my chair smelling my scent left on my scarves in attempt at remembering who i am, staring at papers filled with lists and to-do’s.
Focusing on dead mosquitos that died after they ate me, gluttonous lovers of my skin sent to a selfish grave. now i have a lump on my arm and scars on my heart and i can’t eat the toast that i’ve been making every morning for breakfast. with the mugs of mint tea that offered a few minutes of solace, even though the water gets cold too fast just like the walls that i built that you ruined and i tried to rebuild endlessly. that’s where you left me.
Submerged in hour old bath water thats become a test of temperature tolerance, with eyes open and vision blurred, breath held and bare skin, counting the imperfections in the grout that separates the tile as if it were all the ficticious opportunities i missed out on. Connecting the pieces and creating lines of compromise between what i thought you needed and what i wanted to give you, two things , the same things that couldn’t be arranged in a way that trusted the efforts of a towel and the puddles of trust. You left me by the things that you love, and the love that i had. You left me with what you left me with, waiting by all that you love, by all that i love, by our love. our love, that’s where you left me all alone to watch the throne!